Ph Francesco Cesaroni
comments 16

Portraying me, what a trouble!

Let someone portrait me has always been a terrific trouble to me. I clearly remember the last photo I posed for gladly, I was five and my daddy pictured me in black and white, lying on a scented wheat field. Deep black hair, two long braids and a bright and clever look, I intensely loved that photo, especially later when I didn’t bear to see me in a picture anymore. They’re proverbial my instant escapes in front of the lens, the little portions of me coming out from people and objects I used  as makeshift screens… Nothing much has changed today, being photographed is an experience I live with a sense of duty and sacrifice. I admit I suffer from being unable to look at me with ease. That’s the reason why to pick out a photo where I don’t demolish each detail of me, that I can show with joy and truly representative of me well, it’s a big big trouble. So, as I can’t keep at bay my excessive auto-criticism, I thought I could call you for help, you who read me, you friends who value also the flaws of my face, you who visit my blog being interested in my art and wanting to know what the person who realizes it looks like. Here there are some selected photos (among the few I have of me). Among these I look for the most appropriate to represent me in this site and the other connected pages. Want you to express your preference through a comment at the bottom of this post? I’m not objective at all about me, help me to look at my image with different eyes and, above all, to choose enjoying it!

Lasciare che mi fotografino è sempre stato un grandissimo cruccio per me. Ricordo nitidamente l’ultima foto per la quale posso dire di aver posato con piacere, avevo appena cinque anni e mio papà mi ha ritratta in bianco e nero, distesa sul fianco in un profumato campo di grano. I capelli di un nero intenso, le due lunghe trecce e lo sguardo intelligente e furbo, ho amato fortemente quella foto, specie negli anni in cui non ho più tollerato di guardarmi in fotografia. Sono proverbiali le mie fughe immediate di fronte all’obiettivo, le piccole porzioni di me che sbucano da persone e oggetti usati come paraventi di fortuna… Oggi molto poco è cambiato, vivo il comparire in foto con un senso di dovere e sacrificio. E non nascondo di soffrire per l’incapacità di guardare al mio volto in modo leggero.  Ecco perché individuare una fotografia nella quale io non sia pronta a demolire ogni dettaglio di me, che mi dia gioia mostrare agli altri e che sia davvero rappresentativa della mia persona è decisamente difficile. Così, vista la mia incapacità di tenere a bada l’eccessiva autocritica, ho pensato di chiedere aiuto a voi che mi leggete, agli amici che apprezzano anche i difetti del mio volto, a chi visita il blog interessato ai miei lavori e desidera conoscere che aspetto abbia la persona che li realizza. Ecco qui alcune foto selezionate (tra le pochissime che avevo a disposizione). Tra queste cerco lo scatto più adatto a presentarmi in questo sito e nelle pagine ad esso collegate. Vi va di esprimere la vostra preferenza con un commento in coda al post? Io non sono affatto obiettiva quando si tratta di me, datemi una mano a guardarmi con occhi diversi e scegliere divertendomi!

16 Comments

  1. James Dennison

    I love the bottom left photo, it does the best the show you, your work and the joy you derive from it.,

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  2. Antje Goldflam

    Sheila, I think the middle one on the bottom shows a lot of honest relaxed joy… how you should see yourself! And by the way: there is nothing like a flawed face!!!

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    • Isn’t it ironic that I always totally fitted with your words, but just in regards of others? Me crazy and complicated!
      Anyway, thanks a lot for expressing your preference, dear!

      Like

  3. rosa

    Mi piace la prima foto della seconda fila , la donna e l’artista si fondono e si mostrano con naturale bellezza. Un abbraccio

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  4. Alessia

    Ciao Sheila! Beh, io sarei indecisa tra due (sono di aiuto, vero?). La prima e la seconda della fila in basso… la prima, proprio per lo stesso motivo di cui scrive Rosa; in questo spazio non può mancare l’artista “avvolta” dalle sue stesse creature. La seconda semplicemente, perchè… sei tu! Con la naturalezza di un sorriso, il contatto con la natura e… l’occhio amorevole di chi ha scattato la foto!🙂
    Ora… a te le considerazioni!😉

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  5. veronica

    cara come ti capisco… ci sarebbe così tanto da dire su questo fatto… forse chi è la continua scoperta di sè non si sente mai totalmente rappresentato in un istante unico… più foto forse direbbero di più della complessità. Se devo scegliere a me piace l’ultima, non ti conosco di persona ma è quella per cui vorrei conoscerti… per me,
    che sei un’artista lo dicono le tue creazioni…

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  6. pietrina

    Io trovo che il ritratto migliore di te è il tuo lavoro. Attraverso esso tu ti manifesti nel sorriso, nella gioia nell’amore che porti dentro.
    Puoi essere riluttante e recalcitrante davanti ad uno scatto che immortala il tuo volto o la tua intera persona e potrai anche nasconderti dietro un manichino, ma la tua “luce” ti mostrerà comunque.

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    • Sono sinceramente colpita dalle tue parole… Stavolta non riesco a nascondermi neppure dietro alla lingua inglese come fosse un manichino di fortuna…

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  7. I really hear you, your description of ‘excessive auto-criticism’ goes for me as well. We must practise looking at ourselves, as we look at our loved ones, don’t you think?🙂
    I like the bottom line, where you can be seen. They are all good, since they seem to show different aspects of you; artistic, open, curious, vulnerable, strong and serious. Just the first words, that comes to mind, when I see the pictures. Obviously, you’re much more than that. If I can only choose one, I think it must be the one at the left; you’re in your ‘natural habitat’ (he, he), you look very alive and happy, it’s like you’re going to say, Hi, Welcome!! – And your dress is awesome🙂
    ‘Beauty is the opposite of perfection, it’s about confidence, charisma and character’. (You could say the same thing about eco dyeing, couldn’t you?). Well, you are beautiful, I can see that with half an eye. I’m glad you let us have a look at you!

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    • Dear dear Mona, your presence here as well as in your own blog always sounds so rich and dense to me, I’m grateful for… you’re absolutely right, both when you write about our beloved ones and eco dyeing. I see myself in the adjectives you used, the first words you had in mind, right indeed! On my side, I truly felt a need for taking a risk and let others come closer to me, now that I’m setting to “play more seriously” and wish to have more significant and open nearness to those who find themselves involved in my artistic language, so… me I’m glad you’re here!

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  8. Sheila,
    I have to admit that my favorite photo is the one on the bottom right. It doesn’t show you ‘in your element’ as far as your eco printing…… But you look like a heroine in a Bergman film and I think that it fits your poetic nature.
    It is funny how we see ourselves. So different than what others see.
    In my eyes you are ‘drop dead gorgeous’ (an American phrase, not sure how well that translates) it means that you are beautiful….. stunning!

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    • You know, Julie, since I was only a child I asked myself what was true, honestly true, since different “eyes” seem to see even drammatically different content within the same object. It looked like an incredible labyrinth to me, without a linear path. Well, that’s exactly what it is, a wonderful incredible labyrinth of different images, projections, even mirage. Some we ourselves generate them, some seem to totally belong to the observers, having so little to do with us… While a very bottom of me is still striving to get what’s true, honestly deeply true, on the other side, on the surface, I’m learning to play with all those little flowers of me. Some lasts for just a day (or a night better), some other come with me lifelong, here I feel comfy, there really disturbed… Anyway, each single petal relates to my life and that’s why I want to receive it!
      Lastly, thanksssssomuch for the American phrase, love to hear some everyday expression, I feel very narrow into my literal simple English!

      Like

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